Gotcha Day

It’s been a decade since we first laid our eyes on our little girl. Today is our Gotcha Day, a day named for the day that adoptive parents and their children unite. This day and the birth of our son are the two most important, pivotal and celebrated days in our family. These days erased years of infertility, disappointments and challenges. Without those days, we would not have these best days. We’ve been blessed with the children that were meant to be ours.
After the birth of our son, we decided to explore adoption. This would be the path to grow our family. It was the beginning of June when we first saw Joleigh’s face on the computer screen (I know, it sounds crazy that this is how we found her). Instantly, we knew that this six-day old baby would be ours, no question. Our missing piece had been discovered. Her similarities to our son, Parker, were uncanny. We called our agency to inquire. They said that someone else wanted her, however we were further along in the process. If our home study was done, she would be ours. And just like that, our path was paved. The agency posted that Joleigh had found her forever family, on that special day. I’ll never forget the depth of emotion I felt, when I read those words. The following eight months were blurry and exciting. We traveled to Guatemala and on day one, we were united with our daughter. When she was placed into my arms, my heart melted and ached. It was surreal. Easily forgotten was the long road that lead us to this moment. Unexpected was the pain that the foster mother and two foster siblings were experiencing, as they began to let her go. All three sobbed as the process of this transition took place. Their love was immense and true. Her temporary family was perfect. This gave my mind the peace it had been longing for, for eight months. It was clear, she was nurtured, adored and cared for. This happy, healthy and sweet baby flourished from this fabulous foundation that was graciously given.
When I think back, I’m filled with a warmth. I’m somewhat in awe that this is our story. It was exhilarating, scary, curvy and lengthy. This journey filled us in ways that only pure love and joy can. Our family, friends and community were supportive and celebratory, every step of the way. There were plenty of players and a whole lot of hearts to help make it happen. Those crystal-clear memories are fade-proof. Ten years later, I remain grateful. It feels magicial. I’m still astounded at how it all unfolded.
Joleigh is a free spirit with the kindest of hearts. She is easy-going and easy to get along with. She’s both soft and tough. Josie-isms are never ending. She’s hilarious and wakes up insanely happy. She cares about others before herself. Her character is strong and steady. Her soul is sweet and older for her age. Once, after reading a label on a pillow that was made in China, she proudly said ‘I was made in Guatemala!’ Undoubtedly, Joleigh has made me a better human being and mother. This is her forever effect.

For My Dad

Tomorrow marks 23 years that I have been fatherless. I often think about how different life would be if my father were still alive. Mostly, I think about how crazy he would be about my kids and how they’ve missed out on his relentless love. Remembering how each week, same day and same time, he would bring my brother’s children ice cream. He was consistent in this, just as he was in his love of family. No matter what we were doing, he was forever proud, encouraging and there. I had kids after he passed.
His dying changed me. It changed me in ways that I constantly notice. I’m in love with (and envious of) any grandfather that I see at sporting events. The look in their eyes and the love that is exuding from their clapping hands and soft hollers. Much the same way that father daughter dances take my breath away. It’s a reminder of his absence.
My father’s death was pivotal. I remember fearing the calling hours, anticipating a painful experience. It wasn’t the sad night that I was expecting. Just the opposite, it left me lifted. I was beaming with pride, that I got to be his daughter. This night was filled with rooms of people, each with their own special story. There were people from all walks of life, a true testament of his ability to find common ground with anyone, never counting anyone out. There were sports memories (he was an incredible high school athlete), work stories and crazy fun-times, too. In this time of deep sadness, this massaged my heart, in warmth. The laughter, recollections and outpouring of love, lightened the dark. This injected me with a desire to be better. To leave similar marks on lives that I touch.
My father was a simple man, no fuss. He had a terrifically dry sense of humor. He was smart, with a fact-filled mind, precise and purposeful. He had beautiful handwriting. His clothing was always the same; slacks and short-sleeved button shirts. No long sleeves and no shorts. His heart was huge. He appreciated sports and played golf, as he aged (even though he was physically challenged). He waddled when he walked, having had a hip replaced, and his shoulders were hunched, making his once 6-foot frame much shorter. Due to arthritis, he had kyphosis. This made his neck hard to turn. He looked older than fifty-eight. He looked uncomfortable but had a sweet grin that made you think he was okay. I have no memories of him complaining about his health. My father’s effect on others was a good one, never a burden. This would, most likely, explain my aversion to complainers.
As a parent, I’m more aware of the result that parenting can have on an adult life. I’m grateful that both my parents formed a family, whose foundation was one of unconditional love and endless support. Family felt secure, safe and steady. There was no question, we came first. This grows confidence and healthy spirits. As an almost 50-year old woman, I’m still reaping the rewards of good parenting. My mom, in her own right, is an outstanding mother and grandmother. The honor to still have this support, is not lost on me.
Tomorrow, on the anniversary of his death, I’ll listen to Pink’s ‘Beam Me Up’, while having a Bud Light. I’ll remember how he couldn’t hold back the tears, each time I left for college. I’ll most likely have the same problem not letting my heart be seen.

10 Hints to Happiness

1.) Our vibe will bring our tribe. Invest in people who appreciate, accept and support. Keep expectations modest. If they exceed them, it’s a bonus! Enrich friendships by forgiving often, accepting more and softening stances.
2.) Accentuate the positives and let go of perceived flaws. Our body is listening, as we judge and dislike parts of ourselves. This is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Celebrating who we are, wounds and all, is a firm foundation for heightened living. Self-assurance requires work. Confidence kills fear.
3.) Don’t compare. Measuring ourselves to others will shred our well-being to pieces. Switch from comparison to the creation of contentment. This happens when we realize and share our own unique talents and gifts.
4.) Make the most of circumstances. Situations change when we do. We begin to ebb & flow forward when we combine change with flexibility. A plan without action is a dream. Goals requires us to act. Replace dwelling and settling with gracefully taking control.
5.) Find out who we are. If we don’t know, we must discover. Notice those things that make our hearts beat faster and set our souls on fire. Look back to moments where we have felt the most alive. We mustn’t confuse who we are with what we do. Kids grow up, jobs end and our positions in life change. Identify with passion and purpose.
6.) What we have is not who we are. Too much value placed on material possessions will result in a false level of contentment. Put people and relationships above stuff and never hold someone in higher regard simply because of they appear financially superior. Character is the measurement.
7.) Pick a path and go. The middle of the road, waiting for the perfect time and holding off our hopes ~ are all dangerous mindsets. Put your eggs in your own basket and scramble toward success. Through commitment and dedication our path appears.
8.) Exercise smart. No number on the scale, miles run, or other physical accomplishment will bring lasting happiness. Especially, if it throws off our life’s balance, messes with our mental state, or causes injury. When exercise ‘tips the scale’ toward unhealthy, it’s time to reevaluate our reasoning. Move for function and vitality.
9.) Eat well. Diets and weight loss challenges often deplete our wallets and deprive us from normal eating. Weight loss through our eating has a simple equation; less calories in and more calories expended. Where calories come from, should play a more important role. The right combination of proteins, carbohydrates, fats and fiber (depending on gender, age, genetics and activity level) will result in better health. Decrease or eliminate fried foods, sugary drinks and processed foods (go for the whole and shop the perimeter of your supermarket), eat when hungry (not thirsty, bored, depressed, or anxious), drink water (half our body weight in ounces daily) and eat to live, don’t live to eat. These are doable habits. Choices and personal accountability will determine function.
10.) Listen. The human body ‘messages’ us continuously. It cues us to move, rest or heal. Its job is to maintain homeostasis. We can support this by fueling smartly, moving regularly, thinking affirmatively and resting when necessary.

Happy You Year

A new year is here, allowing a fresh chapter to unfold. This comes with 365 days of possibility and potential.
Along with all those popular body cleanses, daunting diets and fabulous fitness goals, we should clean our mental slates and reduce our emotional rubbish, also. As we say farewell to another year of challenges, changes, twists and turns – we might be feeling mentally bloated and emotionally exhausted. This is an ideal time to reset.
This new chapter can consist of doing more and having less. More movement and less excuses. More owning and less blaming. More action and less talk. More real and less pretend. More individuality and less ‘bandwagon-ing’. More feeling and less numbing. You get the idea.
The common denominator to a satisfying year is an eager participant. To be fully engaged, we should de-clutter. We’re constantly inundated with information, opinions and ideas. We can find ourselves tangled up with tons of material stuff, too. This can make it difficult to function, feel and focus. We’re the gatekeepers of what we allow in and what we dispose of. Distractions and disorder can deter growth.
In yoga, we’re reminded that we have a responsibility, to maintain the good we’ve generated and to live similarly (and more simply) off the mat. We encourage balance, create a deeper connection (between the physical, mental & spiritual) and we make more space in our bodies (for unrestricted flow of energy, blood and oxygen). However, the real work begins when we roll up our mats and step back into our world, where the chaos and complications are waiting. When we establish a yoga mindset into daily living, a peaceful and beautiful flow follows. Letting go, practicing a non-reactive mind, committing to a non-judgment mentality, forgiving often and accepting ourselves fully – are all valuable yoga tools, that deliver grace and generate an ease of living. We do powerful work on our mats, often offsetting the tension, stress and lifestyle missteps.
We have continuous choices, in what we allow into our sacred spaces, whether we practice yoga or not. We decide our nourishment, energy and way of living. We choose environments and people in them. Most importantly, we create and cultivate our thoughts and our attitude. This is the headquarters of our happy.
I can already hear the “yeah butters” and their resistant ways. I’m not sure if it’s a fear of the unknown or a habitual way of being. There’s a certain amount of getting out of our own way, that comes with life’s ownership. Circumstances serve up some difficult times, this fact is undisputed. It’s up to us, how we respond; act, re-act or ignore. The result of choice either moves us forward, moves us backward or soaks us in sameness.
Our biggest obstacles, grow us into better people, converting our hurts and heartaches into wisdom, compassion and strength. We realize that new roads from setbacks, create sweeter ways to travel. Obstacles have a unique way of giving our life a more profound meaning. This is a character key that unlocks enlightenment and zest.
Let us not be afraid of the feeling that life is meant to have. It’s easy to numb our way through it (the choices are abundant), versus touching the textures that come with embracing it all. It’s scratchy, prickly and scarring. It’s uncomfortable and beautifully liberating. It catapults us into better instead of bitter. Ultimately, this has us standing in a place of power, free to be.
This new year will be all that we make it. We have this one life, with endless ways to write our newest chapter. May our choices flow us forward with fulfillment and extraordinary freedom.

Filling and Flowing

As our lives ebb and flow; people, places and things come and go. Letting go can elevate. Just the contrary, holding on (for too long) can drag us down. There’s a freedom found, when we get the timing right, by releasing what no longer serves us. This can be a glorious time to jump into new chapters.
Honoring the space between what was and what will be, is the key. This pause, reflection and anticipation can be empowering. Healing, recharging and adjustment time, all vary in their necessary lengths. When we soak in the voids, we recognize what we’re truly missing. An organic ‘fill up’ can happen, by trusting the timing of our lives.
Letting go of unhealthy thoughts, things we cannot change and unworthy participants in our pages, can assist in our evolution. We experience losses, challenges and pain. This comes with a variety of feelings, meant to be felt and not numbed away or ignored. During these times of struggle, we can often overstay our welcome in this ‘hiatus’ of hurt, stunting our growth. Wallowing is hollowing, it depletes our soul’s strength and our personal power.
It’s in the momentum of getting up that puts our past to good use. Painful times, give us a point of reference. Life’s texture and meaning develop. It makes our scars (these badges of courage) treasures and our ‘yet to comes’ tangibly terrific. Rising from the rubble can present opportunities for our most exquisite restructuring and firming up of our life’s foundation. These rebuilding moments, enhance our story.
Oppositely, many times we fill our vacancies too quickly, instead of feeling them fully. It’s in the absorption of the emptiness that we’re able to recognize the substantial impact or complete downward drags, that people, places and things may have brought to our lives.
When we resist the temptation of filling the empty spaces with the inconsequential, we win. We get picky about what we allow into our sacred spaces. Filling gaps to quickly, can result in backward momentum and sparse serenity. Quick fixes typically are not supporting of substantial satisfaction.
Healthfully, we mourn and honor our losses with a combination of sorrow, grace and gratitude. At times, we swirl around in the middle of it, occasionally letting go and sometimes being dragged.
Eventually, we begin to write on new pages and our chapters flow with many more ups, downs, twists and turns. Cheers to chapters being long and winding, as a new year approaches.

Have You Noticed?

With our constant connection to everything and anything, have you noticed the disconnect to everyday living? The World Wide Web has captured our attention and our focus, taking us away from the daily finds, that are abundant, meaningful and everywhere.

We’re more informed and versed on a larger variety of subjects, now. Do we transfer this, healthfully, into our day to day lives, that we live off from the electronic world? Do we strike a balance or do we substitute an online life for a real life? Living inside of our lives (off our tech), rewards us regularly. There’s less longing, fewer comparisons and more satisfaction.

It’s with shortened attention spans and instant gratification desires, that we venture into our off-technology existence. Are we equipped to connect one on one and day to day with beings, in the flesh? In our tool box of skills, have we honed the ones that are most useful for these exceptional exchanges; patience, kindness and consideration? Are we able to fully engage, eye to eye and soul to soul?

We’re humans with emotions. These emotions are designed to give us an assortment of feelings; from happy to hurt and beyond. As a defense mechanism, we often numb the human experience for fear of feeling. There are endless ways to do this. This behavior often stunts our spiritual growth and belief in our own potential.

We live in a time where real life experiences can be replaced easily with technology. On the short list; we can go to school online, date online and shop online. We can quickly forget the life skills that come from being in actual moments, where we’re forced to converse spontaneously and authentically. There will never be a true substitution for actual living. Movement into moments bring us meaning. It requires that we get out of our own way, pull our faces from our phones and jump willfully into the exciting unpredictability of an actual life. To be occasionally uncomfortable, challenges us and changes us magnificently.

Technology has given us a barrier, a false sense of security and a faux feeling of life. It’s given us an out to be completely in. Stolen moments are everywhere. As soon as a phone is glanced at, a moment is compromised. It sends a message of non-interest. Half conversations are half as gratifying. We miss facial cues and body language. More importantly we miss out on a true connection to another. The distraction of a piece of apparatus can rob us from a breathtakingly brilliant life.

When we step into our lives without our tech ‘side kicks’, our senses become wonderfully aware. We see, we touch, we smell and we grow. These leaps of faith and fear feeling moments bring us freedom and substance.

On our deathbeds, we won’t be wishing that we texted more. I’m imagining that we’ll be hoping that we lived in more memorable moments. The more we feel, the more we connect and the more we connect, the fuller we feel. We know true living, by the way it feels.

When you have the chance to tech it out or dance, I hope you dance.



Aging Gratefully

I am one day away from becoming a 49er, not a football player, but the actual age. I’m about to embark on the last year of my 40’s. I say this with excitement, in the absence of fear. I’m willing to age. No clunking around, trying to façade myself but with the belief that aging can be amazing.
I remember the last year of my 30’s, I vowed to exercise every day for at least 20 minutes. I was determined to close out my thirties strong, to enter in to the next decade even stronger. Little did I know, the next decade had a bit more in store for me than challenging my physical fitness.
As I begin to close out this current decade, I feel a huge shift in perspective and intention. A few days ago, I started asking myself what my goal would be for the next year. As I watched myself on a recent video, it came to me. While watching it, I wanted to turn away from my image and began internally criticizing myself. I was critiquing the camera angle, my appearance and even the sound of my voice. From this, my goal was born. Be nicer to me. Taking inventory of imperfections doesn’t add up to joy. Appreciation of life’s blemishes can be beautifully freeing and poignant.
We can be our own worst critics. It’s time to ‘pom-pom’ our way out of this way of thinking.
How we ‘frame up’ our lives, forms our degree of happiness. Our thoughts and attitudes contribute to contentment. So often, we seek approval and reassurance from the outside. The true path toward bliss, lies in the beholder.
In physical practice of yoga, when we move our bodies into different shapes, it’s about what it feels like, not what it looks like. What if we adopted this philosophy off the mat and into our everyday lives, living a life that we feel.
As we shape our lives, we get distracted by ideas of what our lives should look like. This begins the process of calculating our happiness from the outside in, instead of the inside out. A focus on the material, appearance and status can take center stage. This may cloud perspective and limit growth. We’re humans with emotions, we’re designed to feel. Too often, we try to numb this actuality.
Comparison, envy and fear are often contributors to insecurities and misery. They steal the happy. How do we shift, when we’re stuck looking out instead of in? How do we accept, celebrate, and sit comfortably in ourselves?
We start with a grateful heart. The same heart that has been broken, bruised and scarred. We adjust our thinking. We appreciate life’s experiences and we’re grateful for the roads that have appeared from the rubble. We notice when a new direction is necessary. We pay attention to what makes us feel good and what makes us feel bad. We do more of the first and less of the second. We get our faces out of our phones and follow our hearts into our validity.
I liken it to the scene out of the movie ‘Pretty Woman’, when Julia Roberts walks back to the store that denies her service because of the way she looked. We need to do the same; pick up our giant bags, that are full of our life’s experiences, lessons & wisdom and walk proudly away from things that don’t serve us.
I’ve started a day early, on my ‘be nice to self’ project. It goes something like this ~ I’m thankful for the lines that have been created around my eyes and my mouth, proof that I’ve enjoyed more than my fair share of the happy. I celebrate the two lines between my eyebrows, gifts from this last decade. My perplexed face imprinted those. The face that I overused during challenging times. If not for these times, I wouldn’t know what I’m made of, who I am and what belongs in my life. I’m most proud of these lines, they’re a result of questioning, contemplation and struggle. My biggest spiritual growth spurt, came from this time. These are badges, not baggage.
If we do life, growing from and not running from these shapers, we carve out a tremendously rewarding life. Pieces of our past can be priceless, if we see the value. They are masterpiece worthy. Accepting of what is and what wasn’t, helps us to be hopeful of what will be. Sprinkling in a little forgiveness, helps. Then add some space, room for those times that we’re simply, in between.
Genuine joy is more attainable, when we take full ownership; mentally, spiritually and physically. No blame gaming and no excuse making. We stagnate when we finger point and give away our potential.
Life, as we know, is not fair. It’s a roller coaster of highs, lows and the beauty that is, the in between. When we do decide to be better than circumstances, we rise. As birthdays come and go, may we all be more real and less show.

Seize It

Moments come and go, it’s up to us to grab ahold of them. Opportunities for living in moments are there for the taking. That is, if we’re ready to reach for them.
I seized it. I grabbed it. I marinated in it. I choose it.
On Sunday, I found myself in an unfamiliar place. I was home alone (no husband or no kids) with the whole evening ahead of me. Lingering, were the typical Sunday night to-dos. I could muddle through the mundane or I could indulge in an opportunity to do something meaningful.
I took Wilson, my pup, for our daily hike. This is where I contemplated what to do next. The outdoors was delectable, not too hot and not too cold. Perfect ‘porridge’ weather. It was one of those rare nights, where you don’t notice the temperature or notice yourself complaining about the weather. There were no bugs. I noted how beautifully comfortable I was ‘sitting in’ my own company. I couldn’t let this feeling end, at the end of the trail. I looked to my left and saw the sweet waters of Lake Sunapee. I knew it would take me 5 minutes to get my paddle board and start journeying around the lake.
At first, I found myself impatiently paddling to reach the optimal view of the night’s sunset. I recognized that I was making this my job. Immediately, I slowed down to relish in the views and appreciate the impeccably smooth water, I was gliding through. I took my time and soaked in every inch.
Sunday at 7:30pm is an ideal time to be out on the lake, with sparse activity and the sleepiness that surrounds its shore lines. It’s an invitation to just be.
When we carve out time for ourselves and get quiet, we realize what belongs in our lives ~ what to discard and what to hold tight.
This time of contemplation and reflection had me thinking about the swing door that is our lives. How things come and go, leaving blessings and bruises. Sometimes it’s rapid, yet other times it’s slow and steady. It’s the small and almost unnoticeable moments that can prove to be the most enlightening. Unfortunately, with the pace and style of living that we often get caught up in, we miss these meniscal moments with meaning. It’s those unavoidable & gut punching instances that tend to get the ‘spotlight’. This can have us focusing on the negative versus the simple and sweet.
Slowing down allows us to be present and to pay attention to what’s sucking our energy, what’s sweetening our souls and what’s lighting us up.
I reached the sunset and took a seat on my board. I opened a Bud Light, as a tribute to the Father I lost over 21 years ago. Times like this, bring me to a place of reflection. My dad was a simple man who understood life’s importance; people and our lovely connection to them.
Paddling back, basking in the beauty that is simplicity, I was in full appreciation and trust for this chapter of my life. When we believe that we’re exactly where we need to be, life has a comfort. When we do the best with what we have, with where we are and with who we are; opportunities are abundant. It’s the longing for the future and living in ‘the rear view’ that complicate the present.

Sometimes, we need to stop the madness and gravitate toward meaning. A yoga practice can help with this. Piece by piece, each time we step onto our mats, we’re able to leave our daily grind behind. It’s here, without distractions, that we connect back to ourselves. Faces out of phones and mind into what matters. Simply put, yoga is a union, you in harmony ~ your mind, your body and your spirit. This is a way of being that comes off the mat and is poured directly into our lives, filling us up and positively effecting all that we touch.

Stop Drop and Listen

Stop Drop and Listen
As someone who has enjoyed a career in health and wellness since 1991, it’s surprising to me that we need technology to tell us how we feel, what we need, and what we must to do. Don’t get me wrong, technology is cool, fun and a useful tool for accountability. It all comes down to how we use it. Are we a ‘go to the extreme user’ or do we combine balance and commonsense to the wellness equation?
I’ve only witnessed people’s connection to devises such as the Fitbit. I’ve never actually used one myself. Maybe I’m missing the true power it holds. Does it hold the same power as the human body, the best piece of machinery ever made?
I understand the pull toward answerability and competition. However, I worry that it’s taking us away from our instincts and the important relationship that exists when we connect organically with our ‘human body contraption’. What a tremendous mechanism we’ve been gifted; it continuously sends us signals, constantly seeks balance (homeostasis) and fights for function. This is no easy task, considering all that we throw at it, in the way of food, environments, thoughts and action (or non-action).
The internet connects us. I suppose, wearable fitness apparatus tries to do the same. Just as a face to face interaction is deeper, so is the one-on-one relationship we have with our greatest system. Nothing is lost in translation, no ‘middle man’, no artificial interpretation. It’s simply better.
Our body send endless indicators to us, minute by minute and day by day. Are we listening or are we relying on something else to tell us how we’re feeling? I liken it to living in the moment. When we truly live in a moment, we aren’t reaching for a device or taking a picture of that said moment, we’re living it. We live in a world of countless distractions, some are fantastically enjoyable and others are purely polluting us. This is a balance beam that gets narrow, if we’re not careful.
We’re inundated with information coming from the outside in. At our fingertips; how to feel, what to do and how to do it. This can have us heading down paths not meant for us. Seeds get planted and before we know it, we’re living a life that is unauthentic. This can make our focus toward personal wellness foggy.
Shouldn’t we be getting our messages from the inside out, instead of the outside in? How do we become good receivers of the valuable information that’s constantly streaming through our seams?
To listen, we must become quiet and be open for deliveries. Easier said than done. However, at our disposal, we have ways to become better listeners; yoga, meditation, journaling, and the list of subtle techniques goes on. No expensive gadgets needed.
Yoga is a secret weapon to cutting through the bullsh*t. It’s a tremendous tool, that’ll build a foundation for finding. It opens channels, which ask questions based on feeling. When we’re ‘open for better business’, we notice what’s working in our lives; in our physical, spiritual and mental well-being.
The mat is magic. It opens us up for this better (bigger) business. It’s a time to slow down, breath deeper, and bind the mind to the body. The physical practice releases blocked energy, opening us up for better blood, oxygen and energy flow. Other physical side effects from practicing include but are not limited to; increased flexibility, strength, tone and stamina. The rolling out of the mat, gives the mind the opportunity to melt. This relaxes thoughts and disposes of the insignificant ones. Into the spotlight comes the best of what our lives should be comprise of. Our breath goes from the chest area into the belly, treating our nervous system to restoration and rejuvenation.
The created environment is where the answers to our deepest questions lie. We’re both the light and the dark. We are our best teacher. When we’re open to the possibilities of our own promise, our authentic lives form. This is where the truth tunes in and where we turn our true selves up. Off the mat and into our lives we go with a better sense of self and an awareness of our individual purpose. Our pieces fit together and we find peace. From this point of knowing, the lives we touch become exponentially better, too. Another spectacular side effect of living from the inside out.
Honestly, no mat is needed. Just stop, drop and listen. We are the magic.

Don’t be a Juice Bag

Kathy Griffin is acting like a juice bag (this is the PG version of a similar phrase). Ridiculousness is running rampant, in our society, and Kathy Griffin is the ‘poster child’ for it.

In life, we have circumstances; some we create and some we don’t. This circumstance was created by Kathy Griffin. Bed made, now lay in it. She made a bad choice, this has brought her consequences. Such is life.

In the beginning, she took responsibility for her bad action. This lasted for a half a second. Feeling the heaviness of her own shame, humility and bad judgement, she stepped firmly into victimhood.

Instead of being accountable, she turned the spotlight off her wicked behavior and pointed it directly onto others. These others who have merely reacted to her cruel choice of humor. This infuriates me, not because I’m politically swayed in one direction but because she’s simply not being a good human.

When we accept this deflective behavior as okay, it sends the message that we can be reckless without being liable. If we can figure out a way to become a victim, then it cancels out the original ugly action. It’s ludicrous. This illogical way of thinking is cheap. I’m not buying into the nonsense.

Without responsibility of one’s actions, one is not a student of life. No evolutionary experience will be had. It decays the soul and prevents development of good character.

Kathy Griffin stated that others have ‘broken her’. Just one peek into her mirror, should bring about the revelation that she started this wrecking ball rolling. She has single-handedly re-arranged her career. The decision to go down the path of excuse making, self-pity and self-righteousness, will only leave her in more pieces.  

Admitting mistakes has been replaced by finger pointing and ‘not it’ behavior. The best and most rewarding lives are the ones filled with mistake making and lesson learning.

Blame gaming has become a professional sport, almost second nature for some. It crumbles character and it weakens. It’s difficult to watch people marinating in their own importance, while pointing to others as the reason for their problems. It’s time to look away from these train wrecks and look for brighter brains.

Substance and originality is important and often not found in these creatures of unaccountability. They’re often cemented in their own thoughts and beliefs, unwilling to see different points of views or alternative solutions to problems. A closed mind never leads to creativity, inventiveness or answers to difficult challenges. It’s an openness that lead to new solutions. Similarly, old ways rarely bring new vision.

Intention is perfect point of reference, when confusing rhetoric begins. Does it reek of self-absorption or is it genuine in its truth without personal gain?

Thank you, Kathy Griffin, for giving us such an example of humanity to ponder on. Perhaps you should  create and host a new show called ‘What Not To Do”.